In A Sea of Writers

Last night, I stayed up late to write.  The 2:30 a.m. kind of late.  The kids didn’t get to bed until late, therefore, my writing had to happen late as well.  I got going and was making good progress and why I do this I don’t know;  I logged onto Twitter and used the  “#amwriting” popular hash tag (for those of you not on Twitter, don’t bother to understand) to connect with others that were burning the midnight oil with me.  I quickly looked at a few entries but really I was checking out their profiles.  Who were these other #amwriting folks?  Were they in the same boat as me, a wannabe writer trying to make a mark on the world?  Were they published authors cranking away on the next big bestseller?  Unfortunately, it was more the former than the latter.

I say unfortunate because it becomes very daunting to look at so many people trying to become authors.  I searched to make a connection when it really ends up doing is adding another heavy brick on my shoulders.  Here comes the self-deprecating talk and thoughts like, ”How in the hell am I going to do this?!” or “Who do I think I am?  I must be crazy.”  So I come to a crossroads in my life.  I can be the way I usually am, a non-believer in myself.  Or I can rise above that negativity and be a unrelenting machine, blindly driven by the goal of becoming a published author.   I realized that my old self would let this whole thing overwhelm me and give up.   I mean I have the odds stacked against me.  Kids, busy schedule, lack of training, yada, yada, yada.  But those are all excuses.  There is evidence to prove me wrong.

Plenty of other moms have made it to the published status.  Writing can be added to the schedule just like anything else .  I can take classes/workshops and attend conferences.  I can join a local writers group.  But it is like there is this invisible barrier that keeps me from taking those extra steps.  It is the lack of commitment.   As I write this and read it to myself, I know that this is a defining moment for me.  Do I have what it takes.  And I realize I do.

The most important thing in this is that I am doing what I love to do.   I think about it constantly.  I know there are times when the plot is stale or I have to take out a whole scene because it sounds…just wrong.  Writing is not easy nor quick.  But when I get my word count for the day or I sit for two hours cranking out words, I feel great.  Happy.  Complete.

So I am determined to keep finding new friendships and writing support through blogs and Twitter, or whatever social media is the next big thing.  I am not going to let it intimidate me nor make me feel like the wee plankton in the ocean of wannabe authors.  But if I want to be a whale out there in that ocean of wannabes, it is going to take a lot of hours swimming out in that water.  It will be my own fault if I drown rather than breach.

So, you other writers out there,  how do you keep from letting it all overwhelm you?  What are your methods for success?  What is your definition of success?  What was your inspiration to write?  Has it changed?

Would love to hear your story!  Thanks for sharing.