How Did You Know When to Say Goodbye?
How do I say goodbye to an old friend that has been with me before I knew my kids? She’s been there through every sickness, every sob session, and every new baby that came home from the hospital. We bought her six months after we got married and found an apartment that allowed small dogs. I always wanted a dog growing up and had done my share of begging but to no avail. I even tried coaxing a wandering dog home to show my mom and dad that the “poor animal had followed me home”. However, the dog collar and tags (and the fact that my dad was working outside at the back of the house and heard me bully the dog from a block away) were no help in winning that battle.
So on to adulthood I went, dogless and determined. The day I became a dog owner, holding my sweet fur baby inside my hooded sweatshirt, I felt complete. It was something I was meant to be.
As life carried on, houses were bought and kids were birthed, and things got crazier, she became part of the backdrop and no longer one of the main characters in our story. Blink. Blink. Fourteen and a half years later, here we are. Making a decision that rips our hearts out.
Our first “baby”, Kelsey, used to play and nip our heels. She used to lick away tears and clean up the kids as if they were own. She used to eat toilet paper from the roll and tissues from the waste basket. After she was spayed, she began humping legs (and only the ones attached to human males) like they were rubbed in bacon grease. Every dog has their trademark bad habit. That was hers.
One day about a month ago, she showed signs of dementia as she did something, a very naughty thing that she only did when we weren’t looking. My husband and I knew the time would come sooner than later, but as we felt the stress of dealing with a geriatric pet take a drastic leap, we knew had a choice to make. And making the choice to put a pet down has to be one of suckiest things of all time.
It’s one thing to have to make a snap decision to put a pet down because a sudden change in their health, but to make the decision in advance because of her overall deterioration is totally different. Is it better to know ahead of time or to have it happen quickly? I answer C, none of the above.
People say to get a puppy before you have kids to prepare you for what is to come. When your pet lives to a ripe old age, then you also get to have a taste of what it is like to care for the elderly. We had to recognize her poor quality of life, and in turn ours, and made the heart-wrenching choice to say goodbye.
We loved on her all week, knowing this day was coming upon us quickly. We cried last night as we all sat around and gave her one last cuddle. This morning our hearts are drooping. Today we said goodbye to part of our family. Our first baby.
We will always love you, Kelsey Pelse. Give ‘em hell up there*, old girl.
Side note: If I find out that all dogs DON’T go to heaven, I am going to raise some serious hell.
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This has to be one of the most heart wrenching choices, I agree, so very very hard, but we do what we need to do for our loyal sweet dogs — they take a piece of our hearts, don’t they? Big hugs to you and your family. xoxo
So very sorry for the loss of your beautiful girl. I know firsthand the pain of having to say goodbye to a beloved pet. We had Zoey for 14 years, and our decision was made quickly because she was very sick and in pain.
She was my first dog ever, too. My parents never allowed one in the house. I had goldfish, but not the same, eh…
Thanks Marisa. Dogs are the best but they rip your heart out when it is time to let go. Thanks for the kind words.
Oh, dear friend… I am SO sorry. We tried to hold on with our girl, Chloe (of the cat variety) for weeks – though in the end, she refused her meds and refused to eat. So we were faced with the same decision as you. Being IN the room with her as we said goodbye is one of THE most heart-wrenching things I have ever, ever had to do. She was a part of my husband’s life for 14 years, mine for 10. But we just had to be there with her on her way out. Hang in there. My heart is heavy for you.
I’m sorry about Chloe. We are theirs and they are ours for such a short time. So not fair.
I chickened out. I worked in an animal hospital when I was in high school and I was the tech’s helper when they had to put animals to sleep. I couldn’t do it. Maybe I failed her but I had been through too many to know that it would have crushed me when it came to my own.
Danged animals.
So sorry for your loss, Hallie. Words can’t even begin to describe. She was one lucky pup to have you in her life.
I saw your tweet earlier, and I knew what had likely happened. I’m so very sorry, and I’ve sadly been where you are.
When we couldn’t get pregnant we bought a dog. Misha was a tiny little furball Pekingese. She was our baby until our twin girls came along a couple of years later. Three children and she was so good with them. She was almost 15 when we had to make that awful choice. She had many health issues and I cried like a baby that day. Our kids were oddly less impacted. We got a new dog 2 years ago,after about 4 years.
My thoughts are with you, your fur-baby was very sweet.
I willi miss her too and feel sad about having to give her up. She always liked her grandma. Maybe it is because I always scratched her tummy or head, especially when she would paw at my arm or hand. I knew she needed some attention and she knew she could get from me when I was there. Because we never had a dog, I got my doggie fix when I came to your house. But because of Brogan I can still get my doggie fix. Yeah, he loves me too. But then he loves everyone. Thank you, Hallie. Love you!
So sorry, Hallie.
Oh, Hallie, I’m so sorry. My heart truly aches for your and your family. I’ve been there and I know it’s so hard, words can’t really describe.
Thanks Natalia. Our two-year-old Wheaten Terrier has been a good distraction which has helped immensely. xo
I have talked about this so often with my friends! We are now at the age when the first pets we all had as adults are at the end of their times with us. It’s heart-wrenching! My dog, was with me through countless jerk boyfriends and lived with me in different cities. She was with me when I got engaged and married and when I brought home my two, beautiful kids. When her hip displasia got so bad that she could no longer walk 4 feet without falling down, we knew it was time. It’s been 7 years(!) and I still feel that it was the hardest decision I’ve ever made and that it was the first time I had to make a “grown-up” choice. I miss her so much–she was a wonderful Norwegian Elkhound with quite a personality. Her name was Kelsey, too.
Hang in there–it just plain sucks (for lack of a better word). I love what you said about us being theirs and them being ours–perfectly put.
I’m sorry for you too, Kari. Saying goodbye to part of your family is soooo hard. Pets are one of life’s greatest joys and pains all wrapped into one.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your kind words. Every little bit helps.
I’m so sorry for your pain and loss. I lost my first dog last January and I still cry about it. Dogs open our hearts and for a lot of us, prepare us for the caring and nurturing of our future children. She did her job and now you are doing yours – making sure she does not suffer. I’m sure you’ll take her love and lessons and carry them in your heart forever. Take care!
Julie, that was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you, thank you.