Trying to Find My Happy (With a Little Help From a Friend)

Posted By on Dec 11, 2013 | 12 comments

Let’s just cut to the chase. I’ve been struggling.

Something has me down in the dumps and I feel like the turd in the punch bowl of life. I don’t think I’m depressed, I’m just not happy. And why the hell aren’t I?

I have a roof over my head, three great kids, a caring husband, a kick-ass dog, and all of you.

I feel like I’ve lost my way. I don’t write on a regular basis, my home is a mess, I struggle to keep my calm with my kids, and I am quite content being by myself. This is not who I want to be.

Things you may have noticed if you are a regular visitor here:

-I don’t blog often or consistently. I struggle with finding topics to write about and feel like I have nothing witty to say. So does that mean I’ve lost my wits?

-I’ve been out of touch with all of my Twitterettes and haven’t kept up on my blog buddies. I feel like a huge schmuck because of it. Don’t think I don’t think of you because I haven’t reached out lately. I think of you often yet haven’t taken the time to keep in touch. And that’s crappy of me.

-If you are a “real-life” friend, I’ve really let you down. I don’t call and barely text. When I do, it’s because I need something. That is a shitty friend for you right there. I’m very sorry and I really don’t have an excuse. The only way to maintain friendships with those we hold dear is to actually do some maintaining. I promise I’ll do better.

-My posts have been really lame or total downers lately. I’m declaring this my last one (this one is lame AND a downer) and it’s going to be puppies and rainbows from here on out! Okay, the puppy might still shit on the rug once in a while but I’ll work hard to keep it mostly sloppy kisses.

I’m determined to turn things around. I’ve been hugely inspired by writer and friend, Nina Badzin. She has four children and gets up early to write for a couple of hours before her role as mom takes over. My kids are all in school and I struggle to get a blog post out. I just love who she is. She is a great mom, supportive wife, caring friend, and unwavering supporter to so many writers. I look up to her immensely and she’s got a new mantra that I love.

“Do the work.” That’s it. Plain and simple.

So I’m going to get to it. Writing feeds my soul and when I get words on the page, I feel like a new person. I’m a better me.

I’m adopting Nina’s mantra as well and taking 2014 by the horns.

  • Have you ever felt out of sync with yourself like I do now? How did you get through it?
  • Who inspires you to do more, be more?
  • What are your goals for 2014? 


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  1. Oh, Hallie. Thank you for your honesty here. I know what you mean about the just not happy thing. And I too was (and am) inspired by Nina’s exhortation to do the work. Simple as that. Thinking of you. xo

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    • Thanks Linds. Isn’t it weird how you just can’t put a finger on what it exactly is? I’m all over the place and have no focus as to where my life is going and I think that has a lot to do with it. But the work can be the one thing I can keep constant and hopefully get me back on track. Thanks for the support. It means a ton.

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      • I’m there right now! Where is my happy??? ::/ Where are my goals, plans, hopes, motivation??? Gone I tell you!! Slowly they have all died after getting all I had always wanted!!! A good husband, lovely home, beautiful children, financial security. As I gained all this, I lost my focus, my happy, my good mood, my friendliness and more! :( So what now? I’m not depressed. I’m just here. I suppose the fact that I’m in constant pain could have something to do with it but it shouldn’t! I have advanced adult scoliosis with intense pain. It’s not fun but I still want to live, plan and be happy!!!!

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        • I’m so sorry to hear that you are dealing with adult socliosis, Laura. Many times I wished my life would have been different and that I was dealt a different hand of cards, but I understand all of that junk I’ve dealt with over the years made me who I am. I’m more resilient and independent because of it. Write down what you love about yourself and your life. Keep a grateful journal for the tiniest things that make your day special. I started a grateful journal one morning because I had gone to bed feeling satiated with my day. I started listing my “gratefuls” rather than count sheep and I woke up with such a positive outlook that I couldn’t wait to do it again the next night. It might get you back in touch to what’s important to you and then you can make sure you have more of that in your daily life.

          Thanks so much for taking the time to read this post! Keep me posted on how you’re doing!

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  2. My dear…What I would really love is to share a glass of something with you, hot or cold, and chat face-to-face. I was so happy to see you’d posted–because I have been thinking about you. Your honesty is always something I value in your posts and your friendship, of course, and I think one of the things we never want to talk about is how sometimes we just need to leave the blogosphere and get away–not because we don’t treasure our friends here, but because life is life and sometimes we just need to do that. Never worry that you are letting down a soul by doing what you need to do–we all adore you and support you, no matter where life takes you.
    Okay, enough rambling from this kid. Just be good to yourself and do what you need to do. We’re here. Love and hugs. E.

    Post a Reply
    • Oh, Erika. You have no idea how much that means to hear. I feel exactly the same way. I have so many FaceTime conversation wish lists and to chat with you is one of them. I need to jump off this hamster wheel I’ve got going and change some things up. Writing needs to be my constant since it is so mentally rewarding and I’ve missed it. But I’m back on it and determined to “do the work” like Nina said in her post. I preach to my kids about working hard and here I haven’t been working diligently myself. Thanks for your support as always and if you ever need a place to share a blog post, you are welcome here any time. xo

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  3. Oh Hallie, I know. I’ve been feeling a bit of that myself lately. Part of it for me is that I haven’t been doing my own writing, so starting on Monday that’s going to be my focus for the next few weeks. I need to dive back into my long neglected novel.

    I agree with Erika that sometimes we just need a break from blogging and all the social media (and even from social engagements in real life). Here’s to recharging and finding that happy again!

    Post a Reply
    • Okay Kate. You and me. We are both back on the writing wagon and I look forward to hearing about what you have going on. Thanks so much for being a regular visitor because I value your thoughts so much. Here’s to getting after it! *clink*

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  4. These cycles are weird and they seem to affect similar people at the same time, people who flow in the same circles–at least online. Like the others above, I’ve been out of sorts lately too and I’ve also come to the conclusion that I’m not writing as much as I’d like. I’m too focused on the things that surround writing–social media and this book coming out, and I haven’t written so much as a short story lately. I loved Nina’s post too–she has such a knack for picking the right topic at the right time. Cheering you on, Hallie. We don’t have to comment or text or tweet–know I’m thinking about you and I’ll know you’re thinking about me. Write on!

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  5. I’ve been thinking about you, too, Hallie. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been feeling this way but I’m glad to know that you’re inspired and ready to take charge. Happiness is such a strange thing: even when we think we have all the pieces that should fit perfectly to equal a happy life, it doesn’t always work out that way.

    Lately, I’ve been thinking that at the end of the day, we have to be happy within ourselves in order for all the other pieces to truly fill us like they should. It’s not just about being happy in the moment when you’re with others. It’s about feeling good in moments when it’s just you and your thoughts, and knowing that you’re filling those moments in such a way that when you look back, they were well-spent, and they nourished you. I’m trying to make an effort to be more conscious of that, asking myself, is this how I want to spend this precious time? And I agree that writing is part of it. It feeds my soul, too. Moments on the page never feel wasted.

    Sending you huge hug :)

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  6. My four year old dog still shits on the rug in our living room.
    For reals.

    So don’t apologize for being honest and you are neither lame nor witless.

    Be gentle with yourself.
    And yes, let’s do the work.

    We can do this.
    We can.

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