On a Quest called Tribe
Photo by Court Prather on Unsplash
Divine Secret of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, Steel Magnolias, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Pitch Perfect...we've all seen the movies. We've read the books. These are the movies women will eternally love because there is a common element in all of them. They all include a group of women friends who have stuck together through thick and thin: kids, jobs, new homes in new neighborhoods, divorce, sickness, or even an a cappella disaster performance --they weather it all together.
I see these Facebook posts of women going on trips together, celebrating birthdays, rallying together during a cancer diagnosis, college girlfriend reunions--they love each other as if they were birthed from the same mother but without all the sister drama.
I want that. What I'm looking for is a gathering of souls rather than a social gathering. I want substance, not fluff. I think that's why I often feel "alone" in the crowd. I'm ready for a tribe that lifts up, supports, honors, shares, laughs, cries, creates and connects through what we all have deep in our souls. Women helping women. Women helping each other reach their dreams.
This is my holy grail.
While I feel alone in the crowd a lot, I think it may be because I'm in the wrong crowd. Maybe I shouldn't say wrong but just not right for me. Note that I'm making the distinction between having friends and having a tribe. I'm looking for a sisterhood, not a rocking social ls my Taurus is showing? Us Taureans are notorious for sticking with a few close friends instead of trying to win popularity contests. Perhaps you are in the same boat. You're longing for that sisterhood and deep connection that just isn't present in your life at the moment. So now that we're clear on what we want, what are we going to do about it? How are we going to find our tribes?
Your vibe attracts your tribe.
Build it and they will come.
Here are a few ideas to get you started:
Be vulnerable.
Being vulnerable may mean asking for help, facing the fear of the unknown, getting comfortable with the uncomfortable, being willing to fail in order to learn. These are all ways that we can show up in an authentic way and find connection with others who are doing the same. It's not vomiting every feeling that was ever felt...that's narcissistic and more to gain pity than anything. I've done it and it was a painful lesson that I've had to learn more than once. <gulp> However, I do think there are people we meet that we feel we've known forever right off the bat. There are exceptions to be sure. Just follow your gut and make sure that it's a two-way street before you soul dump on someone.
Be who we want to attract in our lives.
Living authentically and as our truest selves will always bring the right people into our lives. It's the law of attraction. No falsehoods, no pretending, no self-deprecation, either. If we show up as strong, joyful and a high vibe-ing ball of energy, you'll be wowed by who shows up in your life. A quick back step to that self-deprecation bullshit. I was the queen. If you told me I was beautiful, I spent 20 minutes pointing out all of my physical flaws that indicated you may have been blind. If you said you liked my writing, I assumed that you didn't read anything besides gossip mags and books like 50 Shades of Gray, a book not known for its dazzling prose. Would I want to be in a tribe of women who did that, too? Remember, we are here to be part of a tribe that raises our bar, not commiserate with. It's time to own our worth and step up our self-confidence game.
Get clear on purpose and intention.
Getting together with friends for a good time is one thing and spending time with your tribe is something totally different. Wellness warriors, writers, entrepreneurs, cancer survivors, single moms, whatever that connector is, be clear about it. Writers can push each other to hit their writing goals whether it's to get published in the New York Times, start a blog or write the next bestseller. Entrepreneurs can pool their resources, learn from each other's mistakes, and act as a think tank. Clarity of purpose makes the time spent together enriching and the shared intention of the members will deepen the connection far beyond chatting about the latest episode of The Bachelor.
Manifest like a mother.
Call it woo woo, self-fulfilling prophecy or full on cheese, but manifestation works. What we focus on becomes our reality. I will envision this tribe of mine well before it comes to be. If I focus on the fact that I don't have a tribe, don't feel connected to others, or that I feel alone, then that is what will be in my life. I envision my tribe as if they were standing right in front of me; who they are, what they are wearing, what they are bringing to the group, how they speak, their body language, the adventures we'll go on, and the goals we accomplish. If we can't envision it, how can we make it become our reality? We can change the energy that we send out into the world through a variety of ways:
Meditation (I recommend using Insight Timer and search manifest in the search bar. Spotify can be source as well but there's A LOT there to weed through.)
Essential oils (idea: create a roller bottle with this blend--Wild Orange, Elevation and Frankincense or this one). Use these while meditating or throughout your day to raise your vibrational frequency and support how you want to show up in the world. Great books to consider using to know which oils to use are The Essential Life, Emotions and Essential Oils, and I am Fabulous.
Get your woo-woo on with some crystals/gemstones (citrine, clear quartz, and aventurine are great places to start!) Set them with the right intention, these gems from the earth can supercharge your intuition and subtly nudge you in the right direction.
Get your mind right with personal development. Read books, listen to podcasts, read articles that help you shift from "I can't" to "watch me".
Get Ready, Set, Mingle!
Look in your local area for groups, events or co-working spaces that are related to your passions.
For example,
Writers:
Near- look for local writing groups, classes, or workshops to attend.
Far-attend writing conferences like Muse and the Marketplace or writing retreats like Haven Writing Retreat
Entrepreneurs:
Near - join co-working spaces like ModernWell (sorry fellas, this one's ladies only) in Minneapolis/St. Paul) or WeWork.
Far - attend conferences like Tony Robbin's Business Mastery or Rise with Rachel Hollis
Exercise Enthusiasts:
Near - join local races, attend fitness competitions, join running or hiking groups, attend your local Wanderlust festival
Far - check out AirBnB experiences, CrossFit games, or p1440
More tools you can use...
Yes, there's an app for that!
The Bumble app. This is an app that women can use to find friends as well as connect in business. This one is still an "eh" for me as it works only as well as the people using it. I have tried a few times in both the BFF and Bizz sections to find others with common interests only to have to scroll through a bunch of people who clearly don't know the difference between business and dating. Grr. Read more about Bumble here...
We3 app. This app collects information about you (likes, dislikes, viewpoints, etc.) and uses your profile to find others within a specific mile range that you choose or globally if close proximity isn't a priority for you. It groups you in a three person tribe. You can go here to read more about how this app works and if it sounds like something you'd like to try.
No more excuses. We've got all we need to find "our people" already within ourselves or at our fingertips.
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I'd love to hear from you! If you already have a tribe, share your experience in the comments! Tell us when you decided to be a part of one, your reasons why, and how you found your peeps.