Life's Pain Can Be Our Greatest Teacher
I’m trying. I really am. I want to be a good human but every time I watch the news or get on social media, I find myself slipping; thinking negatively, making judgments, and letting hate (either mine or someone else’s) seep in.
It’s inevitable that I’m going to see some news clip or a headline when I open my computer or turn on the TV that’s a rouse to get a reaction and it usually works. Maybe that happens to you, too. We get fired up about XYZ which brings in a touch of hostility and if we let it sit and stew, it turns into hate.
If all I did was watch the news or click on every frenzied headline, I would be convinced that the world is going down in flames. And while I do believe there are many things we should be paying attention to like climate change and human suffering (and how we can help), it’s no wonder we’re a bunch of stressed out humans.
It’s like we’re constantly being baited to polarize ourselves. That we must like this and hate that, or believe this and call bullshit on that. But life is not an either/or.
My daughter just finished reading The Tattooist of Auschwitz and we talked about taking a mom/daughter trip to Europe, hitting all the beautiful places like Paris, Tuscany, basically ALL of Switzerland (thanks Instagram for the Swiss envy) but also the Auschwitz-Birkenau Memorial and Museum. I know…sounds like the ultimate downer to an otherwise amazing trip but it’s something we both need to see.
She studied the Holocaust in 8th grade and had the best social studies teacher because my daughter learned something more than just historical facts. She also learned about humanity, the good, the bad and the very, very ugly.
Avarie’s a compassionate soul and learning about the dehumanization of Jews during the Holocaust made her almost obsessive about this time in history. I didn’t get the same learning experience in high school but I began to obsess about the Holocaust myself when I began reading historical fiction novels when my kids were little. I wondered how it would have felt to be like the young Jewish mothers in the books I was reading, being separated from their children forever or being shot in front of them. The horrific things people had to endure during this genocidal nightmare must have brought about such a level of pain, physical and emotional, that many of us can’t possibly imagine.
As much as I want to shield my children from pain in their own lives, I know it’s the last thing I should do. Pain, whether from our own experiences or other’s, can provide valuable lessons on how to being a good human. Resiliency, empathy, vulnerability, fortitude, generosity, servitude, and honor...all characteristics that pain can hone within us.
Right now, my family isn’t dealing with any real pain from this pandemic. What we’re experiencing is merely an inconvenience. So many others are experiencing real suffering through illness, the loss of a loved one, stress of treating severely ill patients, being isolated with abusive family members, or from significant economic hardship.
The only thing painful I’m dealing with keeping my teens from brain melt (PS4 and Tik Tok) and finding the truth in the news. I’m sad and disappointed that our kids aren’t out living lives as teens should right now. They shouldn’t be missing school, their friends, milestone events, and activities they love. But then I think about what all the teens in the Holocaust dealt with. They were worried about eating that week, let along that day. Being assaulted, taken away from their families or betrayed by a neighbor saving their own skin.
We can hardly compare what we are going through to the pain of that genocidal time. Or what people experienced in the 100 day terror in Rwanda. This? Yes, this is hard but as they say, it’s all relative.
The “pain” I’m experiencing is barely worth mentioning when I consider what it must be like to be a medical doctor in New York City or northern Italy. There is excruciating mental and physical pain this has taken on those caring for massive amounts of sick.
But one thing I think has been painful for all is the divisiveness this has caused. I can’t watch, read or listen to anything COVID related that doesn’t have a political slant to it. The one time we need to come together as a nation, as a global community, and we still can’t figure it out.
Have we truly not learned from our past?
The conspiracy theories, the “supposed” agendas of the Right and of the Left, and the constant assuming the worst about others with a difference of opinion are still holding strong.
We are not born with opinions about people different than ourselves. That is learned and therefore, can be unlearned. All the hate we’ve seen in the world, and are still seeing, can be drowned out by the good that is happening. If we are to come out of the other side of this better than we went in, we need to start paying attention to what is true and good.
To do this, we need to adjust our zoom. We need to zoom in on the personal stories of those who are doing good things in the world. We need to zoom in on the needs of our immediate communities and step up to help where we can. We need to zoom in on the human suffering and not the capitalistic panic.
We are human beings who have all been through some shit, one way or another. No one is immune to suffering and while we may not agree with how others are handling the impact of this pandemic, we can use this painful time to teach us that we need to love the whole damn thing (the good and the “bad”) to make this place—our world—work right, as it was intended. Accepting others different than ourselves, looking for solutions rather than someone/something to blame, and forgiving those who haven’t.
I am not immune to behaving badly. I’ve done my share of hypothesizing, leaning heavily to one side, and allowing hate to bubble up. But as each day passes, I’m just going to focus on being a good human. Imagine if we all made it to the other side of this with bigger hearts, more empathy and compassion, and a stronger determination to love at all costs?
This time in our lives will NEVER compare to the Holocaust, but we can still learn during this surreal time how to truly love one another. It won’t be easy, probably painful, but it will always be the solution.